Tamoxifen Day 7 – I’m Feeling Purple

Today marked my 7th tamoxifen pill. One week down. Around 259 to go. Give or take. Taking that first pill was such a monumental moment. I didn’t know what would happen next. I think I expected to transform into something resembling a Purple Minion. Have you seen Despicable Me 2? The bad guy creates a formula that he injects into the sweet and lovable yellow Minions. The drug does a whoosh-bang-do on them and they turn into evil purple representations of themselves. But it didn’t happen to me on Day 1. Or Days 2, 3, 4, or 5. But yesterday and today, I started feeling a bit Purple-Minionish.

We’ve had 2 long days of teacher training – which I love – and I’ve been on my feet all day. However, I’ve had moments where all of the sudden I feel not-quite-myself. It’s like normal me turns into a Purple Minion for a bit, and then it passes. It’s such a weird feeling. It happened 2-3 times over the last 2 days. And once I got home, it was all Purple. Too tired to fight it.

I felt like everyone could tell something suddenly wasn’t quite right. My unfocused eyes, darting around like I’m not sure where I am. The deep breath or two while I try and figure out exactly what it was I was about to say. Purple. Minion. According to reliable sources, this is normal for the medication. So I’m not worried about it, and I’ve really got no choice but to roll with this new normal (sheesh – that’s such a 2020 term, LOL!). And I know it’s for the best to combat the cancer. So if you see a wild-eyed purple creature wandering the streets of Grand Prairie, put a coffee in my hand and point me in the direction of my house.

Soul

Not my picture! Soul belongs to Disney / Pixar Studios

As we scrolled movies to watch last night, we landed on the movie Soul. Cooper has declared it to be in his top 10 of all time, and none of us minded watching it again. Of course as the topics of life, death, and dying before you’ve fulfilled your purpose are presented, I was a sobbing crybaby, but that’s not what I want to share.

There is a scene that takes place in the ethereal in which Joe (the main character, who has died and is now a soul) watches the unborn souls get their personalities before being sent down to Earth. They are assigned labels like “snarky” and “cynical” and “agreeable,” etc. As this scene plays out, Cooper says, “I wonder where the autism personality is?”

“I wonder where the autism personality is?”

He recognized that people were receiving their character traits. And he wondered how he fit in. Where were “his” kind of people?

God says our identity is strongest when we first embrace that we are created in His image. We weren’t created with the end goal of Earth as our forever home, yet while here, we crave the relationships and companionship that other humans offer. We need one another to get through this piece of eternity. We need others who embrace who we are, while guiding us to embrace who God created us to be.

I know Cooper wishes that elements of his autism weren’t part of who he is. He has expressed that. It isn’t different from any of us wishing we could change elements of ourselves. How we handle those desires to be different matters. If we take those things to God in prayer, He can give us wisdom how to use our struggles to grow closer to Him.

We are unique. We are similar.